caseyanthonyofficial:

Today I was at Olive Garden with my girlfriend and the waitress asked if we wanted more breadsticks and my girlfriend said no

???????????

(Source: theproblematicblogger, via apollogizing)

tes1a:

RIP that text post you thought of in class and then forgot when you got home

(via gnarly)

ACTUAL DIALOGUE FROM THE LEGEND OF KORRA GAME: THE LAST PROBENDING ROUND

  • Korra: You guys wanna pay attention to the match, and not get blasted off again?
  • Bolin: Oooh, is that why you broke up with Mako? Cause he's the weakest member of the team?
  • Mako: Bolin!
  • Bolin: What?! I'm just trying to cut the tension between you two, you know, just trying to keep it loose!
  • Mako: I'll keep you loose!
  • Bolin: Good one... but seriously, Korra, which one of us do you think is better?
  • Korra: I can't choose! Besides, if you're not number one, what's it matter?
  • Mako: Oh, I think that's some avatar smack talk!
  • Bolin: Love it! Avatar Smack is back! High five... oh, you don't have to do that, just everyone stay focused.....
  • (I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
  • Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”
  • Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
  • Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
  • Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
  • Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
  • (The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
  • Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
  • Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
  • (I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
  • Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
  • Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
  • Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
  • Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
  • (My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
  • Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
  • Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
  • Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
  • (Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

divascreech:

starpulses:

*lipsyncs britney’s entire deluxe edition circus album*

you guys have that in common

(via chxinsmxker)

techonlogy:

Waiter! There is a swag in my soup.

(via gnarly)